The Strongest Thing You Can Do Is Grieve: A Message to Men Who Have Lost Someone
If you're reading this, chances are, you've lost someone who mattered deeply to you.
Maybe it was your spouse—the person who made the house a home.
Maybe it was your child—something no parent should ever have to endure.
Maybe it was a sibling, a best friend, a parent, a brother-in-arms.
And now, you're supposed to “move on,” “be strong,” “keep it together.”
But here's the truth:
Grief is the strongest thing you can do.
If you're a man dealing with deep loss, you're not alone—but you may feel like you are.
I work with a lot of men who come to grief counseling after months or even years of trying to tough it out. Often, they come in not because they want to, but because someone else insisted. They're not sure if this kind of help is “for them.” Some feel like it’s not masculine to talk about feelings. Others worry about being judged, or worse- being caudled or pittied.
Let me say this clearly:
Grief doesn’t make you weak and avoiding it doesn’t make you strong.
What you’re feeling isn’t something to be suppressed or avoided—it’s part of being human. And for men in particular, that experience can be even more isolating, because men don’t always give themselves permission to be vulnerable.
What makes grieving different for men?
Here are a few things we’ve seen time and again in the men I work with:
Silent suffering. You're expected to be the rock. But who supports the rock? Spoiler alert: a counselor (like me) can help.
“Fix-it” thinking. You’re used to solving problems, but grief isn't a problem you can fix—it's something you learn to carry.
Emotional shutdown. You might feel numb, irritable, or just… blank. That’s grief, too.
Delayed breakdown. You hold it together for everyone else—until one day you can’t.
None of this makes you broken. It makes you human.
Why grief counseling might be exactly what you need—even if it’s the last thing you want
I know counseling might feel awkward or scary. You may not even know what you’d say if you came in.
But at Trellis, I specialize in helping men just like you—guys who’ve spent a lifetime holding it together and now don’t know what to do with the pain they can’t push down anymore.
My approach isn’t about clichés or cookie-cutter therapy. It’s about creating a space where you can talk honestly and learn skills—or even sit in silence—without being judged, fixed, or rushed. You don’t have to tip toe around my feelings…I’m here to help you with yours.
I understand the layers men bring into grief. The pressure to be strong. The confusion of feeling emotions you don’t have words for. The fear that if you let go, you won’t be able to stop.
Why Trellis Counseling & Co., PLLC?
At Trellis Counseling & Co., I don’t just “do” grief counseling—I live it, breathe it, and believe in it. I am not only trained in grief-specific therapy approaches, I also bring years of experience working with men in the middle of life’s hardest moments.
I meet you where you are—whether that’s talking in-depth, sitting in silence, or working through grief in nontraditional ways. I’m not here to tell you how to grieve. I’m here to help you grieve well (yes, there is such a thing)—without shame, without pressure, and without pretenses.
If you’ve lost someone and you’re tired of pretending you’re okay…
Reach out.
Not because you’re weak. The opposite is true; grieving takes strength every day you live it.
Not because you need fixing. You don’t because you aren’t broken, even though it may feel that way.
But because your loss matters—and so do you.
You’ve carried this alone long enough. Let us carry a little of it with you while teaching you real-world skills for how to do life after loss.
Visit Trellis Counseling & Co., PLLC to schedule a consultation or learn more about how we help men navigate grief with dignity and strength.
