Honoring Memorial Day: A Grief Counselor’s Perspective on Remembrance, Love, and Support

Written By Gillian Rodriguez

As a grief counselor who has worked closely with families of fallen service members, I approach Memorial Day with a mixture of reverence, solemnity, love and pride. It is a day that asks us—not just those who’ve worn the uniform or lost someone who did—but all civilians to pause and remember the real cost of war, service, and freedom.

Memorial Day is not just a long weekend or the unofficial start of summer. For Gold Star families and many military-connected communities, it's a deeply personal day of remembrance. But it’s also a moment when civilians can step into sacred space—not to fix or explain grief, but to honor it.

How Civilians Can Meaningfully Honor Memorial Day

1. Acknowledge the Purpose of the Day and Teach Kids

Many confuse Memorial Day with Veterans Day. Memorial Day honors service members who have died in service to our country. Simply saying, “I’m taking a moment to remember those who gave their lives,” can be a powerful act of respect. If you have kiddos, teach them about the day in a meaningful way that still meets them at their developmental level. Consider picture books, podcasts for kids, or other local resources.

Don’t shy away from the discomfort of loss—it’s in that discomfort that empathy grows.

2. Attend or Participate in Local Ceremonies

Memorial Day ceremonies at cemeteries, memorials, or community centers are often open to the public. Standing in solidarity with grieving families at these events sends a clear message: You are not alone.

3. Support or Volunteer with Military Family Organizations

Consider volunteering your time or donating to organizations that serve surviving military families. Some well-respected groups include:

  • TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors): Offers peer support and resources for all who are grieving the death of a military loved one.

  • Gold Star Families: Many local chapters host events or fundraisers around Memorial Day and offer vital community for grieving families.

  • Fisher House Foundation: Provides free housing near VA hospitals for military and veteran families during medical treatment, and supports families navigating loss.

  • TBI Warrior Foundation: Based in Boerne and San Antonio, this nonprofit supports service members, veterans, and caregivers affected by traumatic brain injury and related challenges—including grief.

  • Warriors Heart: Located in Bandera, TX, Warriors Heart offers treatment for veterans and first responders coping with PTSD, addiction, and grief-related trauma in a private, peer-based setting.

4. Reach Out, Listen, and Remember

If you know someone who has lost a service member—whether recently or decades ago—send them a message, call, or simply say: “I’m thinking of [Name] today.” Say their name. Honor the individual. Let your friend or neighbor know their sacrifice is not forgotten.

Resources for Those Grieving a Military Loss

Grief following a military death is often layered with pride, shock, anger, and even isolation. The following resources offer real support:

Balancing Grief with Love and Pride

Grief is not a sign of weakness—it’s a reflection of deeper emotion. The families who grieve on Memorial Day carry loss alongside profound pride. They remember their sons, daughters, spouses, parents, and siblings not only as heroes, but as humans—goofy, brilliant, imperfect, beloved. As civilians, when we hold space for that full humanity, we transform Memorial Day from a symbolic gesture into a living act of community care.

So yes, enjoy the weekend. Barbecue with your family. Hug your children. But also carve out a moment—whether it's a quiet minute of reflection, attending a ceremony, or supporting a grieving neighbor—to remember. Let’s not forget that our freedom was bought with real lives, real love, and real grief.

Let Memorial Day be a bridge—between the living and the lost, the civilian and the soldier, the grieving and the grateful.

Gillian Rodriguez
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