Caring for the Dying, Caring for Yourself:

Written By Gillian Rodriguez

10 Real-World Self-Care Strategies for Caregivers Facing Loss

When you're caring for someone who is dying, your world begins to shrink. Time is measured in medication doses, whispered conversations, and quiet moments that feel both too short and too long. As an end-of-life doula, I’ve seen caregivers pour every ounce of themselves into the comfort of their loved one—until there’s nothing left for themselves.

But here's the truth: you can’t hold space for someone else’s death if you’re abandoning your own life.

Self-care in the context of anticipatory grief isn't indulgent—it's survival. It’s the radical act of staying human and whole in the presence of death. It’s a way to honor both your loved one and yourself.

Below are 10 real-world, compassionate self-care strategies to support your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being while walking this sacred and difficult path.

1. Lower the Bar—On Purpose

Forget perfection. Let go of the pressure to do everything “right.” Sometimes cereal for dinner or skipping a shower is the best you can do—and that’s okay. By adopting imperfection you are embracing authenticity which is essential for sustaining wellness.

Why it matters: Reducing internal pressure eases mental exhaustion and prevents burnout.

2. Create Micro-Rituals

Light a candle every morning. Say a mantra while washing your hands. Sit by a window and breathe. Or scratch all of that woo-woo stuff and create your own steps and routines. Bottom line, Rituals keep us oriented in the chaos.

Why it matters: Tiny moments of intentionality bring spiritual grounding and a sense of control.

3. Move Your Body

You don’t need to hit the gym. Stretch while the coffee brews. Walk around the block or do a few minutes of yoga next to your loved one’s bed. Or if you’re feeling those pangs of emotionality, try tapping into something more physical like pulling weeds, martial arts, or sculpture with clay. You can calibrate your physicality based on your emotional needs of the moment.

Why it matters: Movement releases tension and restores your connection to your physical self.

4. Let Yourself Laugh

Yes, even now. Watch a silly youtube video. Reminisce about ridiculous family stories.

Humor doesn't dishonor death—it honors life.

Why it matters: Laughter breaks the tension and offers much-needed emotional release.

5. Name What You’re Feeling

Grief doesn’t wait for death. Anticipatory grief is real—and messy. Journal it. Say it out loud. Cry when you need to.

Why it matters: Naming emotions helps process them, reducing overwhelm and calming internal storms.

6. Ask for (and Accept) Help

You don’t have to be the sole warrior. Ask friends to bring meals, handle errands, or simply sit with you. Your friends and other family members may sincerely want to help but they don’t know what to do. So make it easy for you both: ask for routine, mundane task help like mowing the grass or taking your car for an oil change.

Why it matters: Community lightens your load and reminds you that you're not alone. Bonus: It helps others feel like they’re helping.

7. Eat Like You Matter

You’re probably skipping meals or eating whatever’s fast. Try to include something nourishing—an apple, some soup, a glass of water. You can create a snack basket of non-perishables like granola bars that is in easy-reach on a kitchen counter for quick bites on the go, or smaller bites when you aren’t feeling like a big meal. Consider a healthy-ingredient based meal delivery service but go for options that require the bare minimum planning and participation on your part.

Why it matters: Food is foundational. Small nutritional choices impact mood and stamina.

8. Connect with Something Bigger

Pray. Meditate. Read poetry. Listen to music that moves you. Whether it’s God, nature, or the cosmos, plug into what feels vast and comforting.

Why it matters: Spiritual connection offers meaning and peace beyond the moment. Changing perspective is essential throughout this journey.

9. Rest Without Guilt

Take naps. Go to bed early if you can. Rest when they rest. Let yourself pause—even for five minutes. I promise, whatever it is that you need to do will likely be there when you return to it. With rest, you can accomplish tasks more efficiently and be more present with your person.

Why it matters: Sleep heals the body and helps you regulate your emotions during this intense time.

10. Remember: Your Life is Still Happening

Grief will be part of your story, but not all of it. Even in the shadow of death, you're allowed to feel joy, hope, love—and to live.

Why it matters: Life doesn’t stop for loss. Giving yourself permission to live honors the nature cycle of all living things.

You Are Not Alone in This

Caring for someone who is dying asks more of you than you ever thought you could give. And yet—here you are. You’re showing up with love, vulnerability, and strength, day after day. That is enough.

Self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s your lifeline. It’s how you stay whole in the face of breaking. It’s how you keep loving, even through the pain.

You are doing sacred work. Don’t forget—you are sacred, too.

Helpful Resources for Caregiver Support:

Gillian Rodriguez
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